“How to stop nit-picking your spouse” 10/31/2022 Written by bruce r. mills for “God’s group”

“Our Daily Bread” http://odb.org/

The Daily Devotions of Greg Laurie http://www.harvest.org/devotional/

Written by bruce r. mills for “God’s group”  @ www.Godsmanforever.com

“How to stop nit-picking your spouse”


I use the word nit-picking to refer to the back-and-forth negative comments between a husband and wife when they get into the inevitable argument…  Words that criticize one another, instead of using words the Bible tells us to edify, not tear down one another…

Ephesians 4:29…  Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.  (NKJV)

When your spouse criticizes you, the natural tendency is to lash back with unkind words in a tit-for-tat retaliation of equally unkind words…  This back and forth nit-picking is unhealthy in a marriage relationship, and impossible to control…  The apostle James pens this…

James 3:6, 8…   And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.  But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.  (NKJV)

“But no man can tame the tongue” is a true statement in regards to our own mortal strength…  But there is a way to control the tongue with the supernatural help and power of the Holy Spirit…if the one responding to the criticism or harsh words is a redeemed, “born again” child of God…AND, (and this is equally important), they submit to total control by the Holy Spirit to help them control their tongue…

Not yet a “born again” Christian ??  Not 100% sure you will be going to heaven when you die ??  You absolutely CAN be sure you are heaven bound when you are “born again” by God above… Open the P.S. below, and seek Jesus Christ to become your personal Lord and Savior while you still have time..

I say this with much love and concern for those that believe in Purgatory…  But once you breathe your last breath in this life, you will either be face to face with Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:8) or burning up within the bad side of Hades…   Jesus, Himself tells us about Lazarus and the Rich Man…found in…Luke 16:19-31…  If you are not familiar with Jesus’ description of life after death, open and read this most important piece of scripture in this link-  https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke16%3A19-31&version=NKJV&fbclid=IwAR0aE4iuKgoGOq3gyUONfWQM-fkhuD_Hq9hwJSo2K7lAK0syjv0ZbrmGSjg

But just because you are a redeemed, “born again” Christian, doesn’t mean you try to live in obedience to the leading of the Holy Spirit…  God gives us free will to do what we want, but God wants us to live in obedience to His revealed will for our lives, as found in God’s inspired, inerrant, infallible, and eternal Word of God, the Bible…

When God is not first and most important in our lives, we are NOT living a “Christ-centered”, “Spirit-filled” life…  As a matter of fact, if God is not first, we are living in a terrible state of sin known as the “sin of omission”, as penned by the apostle James, in…

James 4:17…  Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.  (NKJV)

I experienced this horrific sin in my own life, even though I was definitely a “born again” child of God…  I was face to face with someone in my church with an argument about a situation we were having on our building and grounds…  Harsh, yelling words were spoken to me, and I lashed back with equally harsh yelling words, with our faces only 6 inches apart !!  This happened twice with the same brother in Christ in less than a year !!  ☹  This is not something “born again”, “Spirit-filled”, Christians should be doing…

Jesus teaches us a better way to respond to harsh, yelling words, in…

Matthew 5:43-44…  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,”  (NKJV)

If you are doing your best to live a Spirit-filled” life, you keep a short leash on any known sins by immediately confessing them to God (1 John 1:9), and repenting and turning from them to submit to the leading of the Holy Spirit that God has indwelt you with, to guide and direct your life…

And instead of yelling or criticizing your spouse for something you have seen them say or do, bite your tongue, and only by the full power of the Holy Spirit will you be able to respond with words to edify or build up your spouse, just as Jesus would do in the same circumstance…

I believe that a majority of truly “born again” Christians are not living a “Spirit-filled” life…  I base this on my own life where there was a period of years where I was “born again”, but not living with God first in my life…  I went to church every week…  I read my Bible every day…  But I was not living a “Spirit-filled”, “Christ-centered” life…  God was not first in my life, and pleasing Him was just not possible in this spiritual state…

There are people that can spend years in this state of being “born again” but not living in obedience to God’s will for their lives…  What changed my life dramatically, back on June 4th, 2009 ??  I share this with you in the hope that you read this sermon by REV. C.H. Spurgeon from 1859, titled, “Grieving the Holy Spirit”…  God led me to read this 6,000 word sermon, and it changed my life from that day forward !!  Do I live a “Spirit-filled” life all the time ??  Heck no !!  I sin every day…   I live “Spirit-filled” moment by moment…when I immediately confess any sin the Holy Spirit convicts me of…  You can find this possibly life-changing sermon by Spurgeon at the following link-  http://www.romans45.org/spurgeon/sermons/0278.htm

I have since found a book by Francis Chan titled, “The Forgotten God”… I hand this book out because of my own period of time in my life, where the Holy Spirit was forgotten (God was not first in my life)…   I have bought and given out well over 100 of these books that I buy used…  I mark on the inside top of the back cover…“Book it Forward”, under which I list the number 1.   I ask the person I give this book to, to read it, and then give it to someone else to read, and after reading it they put their name next to 2.  The book should then be given to another person to read…  This way by “Booking it Forward” the one book will hopefully change many lives to live for Christ (the forgotten God), to those who are “born again”, but not living a “Spirit-filled” life, with pleasing God first and most important in their life…

Here is a link for “The Forgotten God” as a used book-  https://www.google.com/search?q=forgotten+God+by+francis+chan+used&sxsrf=ALiCzsbFzmONfXDsIiF92ZCEonQsVHNPTA%3A1666456573012&ei=_RtUY4stjKHk2g_Jy5-4BQ&ved=0ahUKEwjLn8XAovT6AhWMEFkFHcnlB1cQ4dUDCBA&uact=5&oq=forgotten+God+by+francis+chan+used&gs_lcp=Cgdnd3Mtd2l6EAMyBQghEKABMgUIIRCgAToKCAAQRxDWBBCwAzoTCAAQRxDWBBCwAxCLAxCoAxCaAzoTCAAQRxDWBBCwAxCLAxCcAxCoAzoPCC4Q1AIQyAMQsAMQQxgBOgcIIxCwAhAnOgcILhCABBANOgUIABCGAzoECC4QJzoECAAQHjoGCAAQFhAeOgUIIRCrAkoECEEYAEoECEYYAFC9CVioSmCXUGgBcAF4AIABb4gB8QSSAQM2LjKYAQCgAQHIAQi4AQLAAQHaAQQIARgI&sclient=gws-wiz

Every “born again” believer will have a life-long battle against Satan and sin…  Look at the apostle Paul, and his own struggle with his unredeemed flesh in this scripture he penned in… Romans 7:14-25…  You will see his struggle in this link-   https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+7%3A14-25%2C+&version=NKJV

Living a life that will please God is not possible without the Holy Spirit leading and guiding the words and deeds of the “born again” Christian…  You must purposely want to live for Christ, instead of yourself…  I am reminded of a piece of writing written by John F. Walvoord, long-time president of Dallas Theological Seminary…  It was titled, “The Spirit at Work in the Spirit-filled Life”, and can be read at this link-  https://bible.org/seriespage/5-spirit-work-spirit-filled-life

Every word in this writing is exactly the way I see being able to walk in and by the full power of the Holy Spirit can be attained…  I quote this short piece from John Walvoord’s writing… “Walking by the Spirit is only possible as the Christian is, first of all, yielded to the Spirit of God, and, second, is walking in unhindered fellowship with the Spirit through confession of sin. Walking by the Spirit, however, is a positive moment-by-moment dependence upon the Spirit of God and what the Spirit of God can empower the Christian to do.”

I hope this day of writing, with my own life-changing experience, will help someone out there who has a problem controlling their tongue…  It IS POSSIBLE with God’s help by willfully being determined to listen to, and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit that God has given His redeemed, “born again” children to follow…  Before opening your mouth with negative and hurtful words…take a deep breath and think… “What would Jesus say or do ??”…  Then submit to the Holy Spirit’s urging…but be sure you are prayed up, and walking in the Spirit of God…

I will leave you with 2 other scripture verses you can look up yourself to keep Satan in check in your life…  Ephesians 6:10-20 (God’s spiritual armor), and James 4:7-8submit to God, resist the devil, and  he will flee from you

Heavenly Father, I thank You and praise You for who you are…  I pray Your living and powerful Word (Hebrews 4:12), will convict those reading today’s post to change their life…  There is a better way to live our lives when the Holy Spirit is in total control of all we say and do…  I pray You would touch the hearts of all those in need of hearing the truth from Your Word…  And I pray lives would be changed by You in the blink of an eye…in Jesus’ most precious name and for His sake, Amen…

Blessings in Christ,  bruce

P.S.  When there is no other place to turn…turn to God !!  If you’re not a “born again” Christian, is the Holy Spirit urging you to open this link ??  Here is the truth about how God’s grace is received to become a Christian in God’s eyes; through understanding and obeying the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ…   https://godsmanforever.com

To my brothers and sisters in Christ, please feel free to share this message of the cross with those in need…

You say you are a “born again” believer…  BUT is your soul ON FIRE for the Lord ??  If not, open this link – https://godsmanforever.com/2020/08/01/are-you-a-christian-in-gods-eyes-and-on-fire-for-the-lord-or-not/

Picture credit: https://br.pinterest.com/pin/365143482258983775/

About Godsmanforever

I present posts about God's Word, with a personal focus on how God's grace is received through saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ... Sinners must understand and obey the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ... See this link for more... https://godsmanforever.com/2014/10/26/the-truth-about-sin-10262014-by-bruce-reposted-from-7112013/
This entry was posted in nit-picking and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.